


Do you love me, like I love you?

by Badkenma_Goodkarma



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Childhood, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2020-03-29 13:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19020544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Badkenma_Goodkarma/pseuds/Badkenma_Goodkarma
Summary: Snippets from Tooru's life as he recognizes the feelings that sprout from a childhood friendship into something much more.





	Do you love me, like I love you?

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this while ignoring my statistics project ~ enjoy.

_Five_

 

“Iwa-chan! Wait for me!” Tooru yelled as he ran after Hajime through the forest. They weren’t supposed to stay out this long and he knew his mom was going to be so angry, she might not even let him have dessert.

Hajime’s figure darted through the trees and Tooru knew they were close to their homes, but as soon as he lost sight of the other boy, he was no longer sure if he was going the right way.

He slowed to a stop and looked around him. “Iwa-chan?”

He felt his lip tremble and wrapped his arms around his stomach. He told himself he wasn’t scared, but that was a lie. He didn’t even want to be out here; he only came because Hajime promised he would make friendship bracelets with him later if they could go into the woods by the park and look for caterpillars.

“Iwa-chan!” His yellechoed back to him but he didn’t hear a reply. His eyes slid shut as he started crying and all he wanted to do was sit on the couch with his dad and drink chocolate milk.

His shoulders started shaking and his wail was so loud it masked the footsteps that were getting closer.

A body slammed into him and he fell back to the ground. He yelled out, but immediately stopped when he heard the voice next to his ear.

“Tooru, I’m sorry! Please don’t cry, I promise we’ll make the bracelets tonight.” Hajime’s voice was small and Tooru pushed him off so he could sit up and wipe away the tears.

He looked at Hajime, who rose to his feet and was holding out his hand. Tooru grabbed it and they walked back together.

 

_Eight_

 

He ran to the bathroom before anyone could see him cry. He could already hear the chants from the other kids, calling him a baby and a little girl. He hated everyone at this school.

Well… almost everyone.

As he cried in the locked stall of the boys bathroom, he heard the door open and a familiar voice called out, “Oikawa?”

He hiccuped, but didn’t respond. He didn’t want Hajime to know he was a crybaby. He didn’t want Hajime to stop being his friend when he found out everyone hated Tooru.

The stall door shook and he bit his lip.

“Oikawa, if you don’t open this door right now, I’m going to tell your mom that you were the one who broke that vase yesterday.”

His eyes widened and he ran to the door, sliding the lock so he could open it. Hajime pushed through and grabbed his chin, tilting his head up.

He didn’t think it was fair that Hajime grew taller every day while he stayed the same. Right now, he only came up to his shoulder, and it made him feel even weaker than he already was.

His eyes started to water again and Hajime scowled. “Why are you crying? What did they say?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know what you mean...”

The hand on his chin left and he felt Hajime’s arms wrap around him so he could pull him into a hug. “I heard from someone that you’re being bullied. It’s okay, Tooru, just tell me who it was.”

He whispered the words against Hajime’s shoulder and felt lighter. They pulled apart and he wiped his tears as he followed him out to the playground. Hajime was walking fast and Tooru slowed his pace when he saw him approach the three boys who had been calling him names all year.

He watched him walk up to the main bully and punch him in the face. His jaw dropped as Hajime tackled the one to the right. A teacher ran over, yelling, and he vaguely noticed another run out of the building to help pry Hajime off the fallen boy.

That day Hajime got suspended and his parents grounded him for three months. Tooru tried to tell them it was his fault but Hajime kicked his leg.

After begging the Iwaizumi’s for fifty minutes, they let him spend the night.

They laid in bed, facing each other. “Iwa-chan, you’re my best friend.” His whisper was soft and Hajime reached for his hand before falling asleep.

 

_Thirteen_

 

Tooru smiled as he met Hajime outside of his house. “Are you excited? This will be our first date. Ever!”

Hajime rolled his eyes and looked at his watch. “It’s just a double date. C’mon they’re waiting at the theater… which one is my date again?”

He laughed and told Hajime more about the two girls he asked out a few days before. They came up to the theater ten minutes later and saw Cana and Kaiyo sitting on the curb.

He yelled out and they ran over. Cana grabbed his hand to pull him to the ticket booth and he looked back to see Hajime following slowly with Kaiyo, talking in tones too low for him to hear.

The movie was fun and Cana was really pretty. Towards the end of the movie, she leaned in and kissed his cheek. He turned his head and she was still close to him; so close he could smell the popcorn on her breath. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. He parted his lips and she followed his lead, but he didn’t feel any of the emotions his teammates told him he would feel.

His upperclassman said it would be one of the best experiences of his life and the softer the lips, the better it would feel. He thought Cana’s lips were pretty soft, but he didn’t feel any excitement or desire to go further.

He pulled back and smiled to hide his disappointment. He looked over her shoulder to find Hajime staring at them, but when they made eye contact, Hajime looked away.

He bit his lip and turned his eyes back to the screen.

 

_Fourteen_

 

He watched Hajime spike the ball so hard it blasted through the three person block. The score won their final game for their third year and he ran over to where Hajime was already looking for him.

He jumped at him and they spun around, yelling out as their teammates rushed over.

“Iwa-chan! You did it!” He laughed and Hajime set him down.

“Tooru,” Said Hajime as he looked into his eyes. The green looked much brighter than usual and Tooru felt himself subconsciously leaning closer to him. Whatever he was going to say was lost as the other third years surrounded them.

Winning their last middle school game brought a rush Tooru had never felt before.

The win made his heart skip a beat and his palms sweat in excitement. It made his pulse race and his thoughts become erratic.

Yes; his chaos of emotions were definitely the result of the win they just experienced and not because Hajime stayed next to him, so close that their arms touched.

 

_Sixteen_

 

He laid on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, not really processing anything. It was the end of their second year and this would be the last chance he got to play against Shiratorizawa. He needed to make this year count.

He jerked as his door swung open and relaxed when he saw it was only Hajime. He walked over and sat on the edge of his bed.

“What are you doing, Oikawa?”

He shrugged and turned his gaze upwards again. “Ah, just thinking Iwa-chan. I know it’s a novel concept to you, but-“

He cut off as the pillow underneath his head was yanked and promptly slapped against his face.

“Ah, Iwa-chan! Stop!”

Hajime threw the pillow onto the floor. “Shut up, Shittykawa. Why have you been weird lately?”

His heart stopped and he avoided the eyes that bore into then side of his head. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Tooru…”

He sighed and sat up, turning to face Hajime. “Iwa-chan…” He wasn’t even sure where to start, but he knew Hajime wouldn’t let him rest until he told him what was going through his mind. “I think… I think I’m a little weird, but I don’t want to say anything because I’m afraid of how it’ll affect the relationships in my life.”

Hajime blinked. “You are most definitely weird, and after twelve years of friendship, we’re pretty much stuck together.”

He smiled softly and averted his eyes. “It’s just… Hajime, I think I’m… I think I like guys.”

It was silent for so long that he dragged his eyes back to Hajime to see his reaction.

His face was blank and he slowly nodded. “Okay, Tooru. You said you think? Why don’t you go on a date with a guy to find out? To know for sure.”

Tooru’s eyes widened. “I can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

He hesitated and Hajime put a hand on his shoulder. “It’ll be okay, Tooru. I really think you should go on a date with another guy to figure yourself out. It wouldn’t hurt.”

“Okay, Iwa-chan.”

 

_Nineteen_

 

He sat outside Hajime’s apartment, waiting for him to get home and regretting the fact he didn’t put the spare to Hajime’s place on his keychain. He pulled his knees closer to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs as he leaned his forehead against his kneecaps. He let out a shuddering breath and hoped Hajime didn’t decide to go home with his date.

A hand shook his shoulder and he realized he fell asleep. His head hurt even worse than before and he lifted his face, squinting his good eye to look at Hajime.

The minute he saw the bruises on his face, Hajime’s eyes darkened and his eyes hands clenched. “Did that fucker do this to you? _Again?_ I thought I told you to leave him, Oikawa!”

His bottom lip shook and Hajime dropped to the ground in front to him, lowering his voice to a loud whisper. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. Tooru, I thought you were going to leave him? I thought after what happened last week…?”

He sobbed and threw himself into Hajime’s arms. “I tried, Iwa-chan. Today I went over and tried to break up with him, but…”

“Shh, it’s okay. Come inside.” Hajime lifted him to a standing position and led him to the bedroom.

They laid in bed like they did when they were kids; facing each other and holding hands as Tooru whispered, “Iwa-chan, you’re my best friend. I’m sorry…” He trailed off and Hajime squeezed his hand.

 

The next day he woke up to a note saying Hajime and some of their teammates from school were getting his stuff from Kenji’s.

He paced the floor of the apartment until Hajime returned and checked his face and knuckles but didn’t find any bruises or scrapes. Makki clapped his shoulder and told him not to worry about Kenji anymore.

 

_Twenty-one_

 

He groaned as Hajime brought over two more shots. They already had seven and they weren’t big drinkers to begin with, since they usually had to practice early in the morning for volleyball.

Most of the night passed in a blur, but there were some moments that slowed down and seemed to stretch on for infinity.

Like when Hajime stripped off his shirt and kissed his way down Tooru’s chest. When he pushed him back onto the bed after they stripped each other and Hajime looked up from under his lashes as he took Tooru into his mouth. Time sped up again, and he wished he hadn’t drunken as much as he had. He wanted to savor the way their moans blended together as Hajime thrust hard into him and stroked him until he came.

He loved the feeling of Hajime’s warm body above him and he wrapped his arms around his shoulders to keep him there.

‘I love you’ was whispered into his sweat-soaked skin but he was too drunk and too tired to respond.

 

The next morning he woke up to a phone ringing. He fell off a naked chest as Hajime sat up to reach for the phone that was on the nightstand.

Tooru stared at his back as he talked to whoever was on the other line and his eyes widened when memories pushed their way into his mind.

He shivered as he remembered the way Hajime fingered him open as he licked all the way down his dick before shoving into him and pressing wet kisses to his neck.

He bit his lip as he remembered the feeling of him coming inside and kissing his lips softly.

His breath caught as he replayed the words Hajime said as he pulled out of him.

Hajime hung up the phone and turned to look at him. “Hey, Tooru… shit, what the fuck happened last night? My head and thighs hurt like crazy.” He seemed to finally notice they were both naked and blinked at Tooru. “Wait, what…?”

He didn’t wait for Hajime to finish though; he bolted out of the bed and down the hall to his room.

He slammed his door shut and slid to a seated position on the floor. He closed his eyes and pretended his heart didn't just shatter at the fact that Hajime didn’t remember the best and most important night of his life.

He had been waiting for those words from Hajime for the last six years when he realized that he didn’t love him in the way you’re supposed to love your best friend.

He shoved those feelings down, and when Hajime suggested he date other men when they were teenagers, he had to finally admit to himself that they would always stay best friends and nothing more.

The feelings he had been repressing, were surging in him and he slapped his cheeks to bring himself back to reality.

 

_Twenty-two_

 

He sat on the couch and pretended his heart wasn’t breaking as he listened to Hajime getting ready for a date. They never talked about that night the year before and both had been avoiding alcohol since.

Fourteen months after the incident, Hajime was going on his first date since they moved in together and Tooru wasn’t ready. It was easier, when he was also dating someone, because he could turn to the other person for support. But he had been too scared to date since Kenji and now he was seriously regretting the decision to avoid relationships.

Hajime walked into the room with no shirt and his pants unbuttoned. “Hey, Oikawa, can I borrow that green button up you have?”

“No.” There was no hesitation in his voice and Hajime seemed surprised at his sharp response. He looked at him, like he was trying to see if he was joking, but Tooru wasn’t. He didn’t want Hajime going out looking good and falling in love with someone else.

Not when he thought about the words Hajime whispered to him all those nights ago. Words that Hajime himself didn’t even remember saying. It wasn’t fair though, for him to be bitter about something like this.

He sighed and nodded his head. “Um, ha. Just kidding. Yeah, sure, it’s in my closet.” He stared at the floor as he spoke and didn’t look up as Hajime walked closer.

“Tooru, what’s going on with you? Ever since we slept together-”

“What?” He whipped his head up to stare at Hajime. “You remember that? But… but you said you didn’t…”

Hajime laughed bitterly and said, “Yeah, I remembered some bits a few hours later. When you were ignoring me. I tried to talk to you the next day, but I figured since you were avoiding the subject so strongly you probably wanted to pretend it never happened. I respected your wishes, so why have you been an ass to me lately? Ever since I told you about my date tonight you’ve been giving me snarky comments and glaring at me. I don’t know what you want from me anymore.”

Hajime looked exhausted and he felt incredibly guilty. Hajime was right - he was an asshole.

He was being petty, just because he wasn’t brave enough to confront his best friend about the most important thing that ever happened to him.

He stood and took a deep breath before looking up at the beautiful green eyes that haunted his dreams. “Hajime… I’m sorry. I, um, I’ve been kind of upset because I didn’t want you to date anyone. I didn’t know how you’d react to sleeping with me since you’re straight and we’ve known each other for seventeen years, which isa lot to risk on one night. I shouldn’t have avoided you… forgive me?”

Hajime blinked before laughing softly and taking a step closer. “Tooru... sometimes I can’t even believe how stupid you are.”

He sputtered and Hajime talked over him. “Why do you think I haven’t dated anyone these past few years? Ever since Kenji, I thought that maybe… maybe you would finally notice me. I thought this was my chance to show you how good I could be to you. Not just as your best friend, but something more. I wasn’t planning on getting drunk that night. I was only going to take two shots to get the courage to ask you out. But I was too chicken shit and ended up drinking a lot more alcohol than I planned. But, Tooru, I don’t regret it. I love you. I should’ve told you our third year of high school when I realized my feelings. I didn’t want to accept the fact that I thought of you like that, because it would complicate a lot of things, but the minute I saw you with Kenji, I felt sick. There was so much nausea and rage in me, I thought I was going to explode. Every time you mentioned his name I wanted to punch a wall and all I could think was how it should’ve been me. I should have been your first. Every time I think it was him who you experienced everything with it makes me want to scream. But… but that’s my own fault and I know that.”

He stared at Hajime as his mouth dropped open. He didn’t know how to respond and his heart was beating so hard it hurt. After a few seconds, he licked his lips and swallowed when he saw Hajime’s eyes follow the movement. “Iwa-chan, I love you too.”

That was all it took for Hajime to close the distance and kiss him. They fell back onto the couch and Hajime tugged at his shirt. He stripped Tooru in almost no time at all and when he was completely naked, Hajime moved off him to run to his room.

Tooru laid against the cushions, trying to catch his breath. A second later, Hajime came running back with lube and tossed it to Tooru as he stepped out of his jeans and boxers.

Hajime took the lube and spread some on his fingers as Tooru scooted to lay down with his head on the arm of the couch.

Hajime kissed him as his hand reached down to open him. It felt like hours before Tooru’s begging finally got Hajime to remove his hand and shift his body so he could sit back. He grabbed Tooru and pulled him up, moving his so he was straddling his lap with his knees on either side of Hajime’s hips.

Hajime leaned back against the couch cushions and he raised Tooru up before letting him slide down. He leaned forward to lick Hajime’s neck as he rode him and the sound of his moans made his thighs shake.

He grabbed the back of Hajime’s head to tilt it up so he could kiss him and felt his hand reach down to pump him. Tooru’s movements became more jerky and he shoved his tongue in Hajime’s mouth as he came over their chests.

He was too sensitive to continue on his own, so Hajime turned and shoved him so he was laying on the couch again. He thrust back into him, and Tooru yelled out as his body became overstimulated. Hajime came after after a few more thrusts and felt his lips as he kissed away the tears on his cheeks. “Tooru, are you okay?”

He nodded and tried to even his breathing.

Hajime kissed along his collarbone and whispered words into his skin that were too low for him to hear.

He finally pulled back sightly. “Want to go take a shower and head to my room?” Hajime smirked up at him as he asked the question and he felt his body shiver in anticipation. He was about to nod when a thought had him gasping and sitting straight up, knocking Hajime over.

“Iwa-chan! Your date! You need to call and cancel!”

Hajime stared a moment before laughing.

He frowned. “Why is that funny?”

Hajime sobered up. “Sorry, um… you see, I didn’t actually have a real date tonight. Makki suggested I try to make you jealous to see how you’d react so I was just pretending. I was just going to head over to his apartment and hang out.”

His mouth tightened. “Iwa-chan, you idiot.”

Hajime snorted. “Shut up, Shittykawa. I only did it because you were being weird.”

 

_Twenty-five_

 

“Hajime! We’re going to be late! Enough in the bathroom, if thirty minutes can’t fix your face then nothing can.”

“Shut up!” His voice came from the bedroom, not the bathroom, and Tooru frowned.

“What are you even doing?” He walked down the hallway and heard what sounded like a drawer slamming shut. “Are you _still_ not dressed? What the hell-“ He pushed the door open and stopped talking when Hajime threw his phone on the bed and spun around, looking guilty.

“Tooru!” He stepped towards him and waved his hands, trying to shoo him out of the room. “Sorry, I’ll be right out.”

“Iwa-chan, what are you doing?”

“Nothing!” Hajime avoided his eyes and a pit formed in his stomach.

Hajime has been acting strange the past few months. He kept ignoring Tooru’s calls, meeting up with friends and refusing to tell him who they were or what they were doing. He kept brushing it off and blaming it on the stress of them trying to buy a house. But now… he had been wondering in the back of his mind if Hajime was cheating on him. If maybe the fact that they’ve known each other all their lives made them boring and Hajime found someone new he wanted to explore. He bit his lip as the thought of Hajime cheating on him made stomach drop.

“Iwa-chan, what are you hiding from me?” He studied his face as he asked the question and saw Hajime’s eyes widen as he sputtered out some kind of response.

The benefit of knowing someone for twenty years was being able to memorize all their tells. Like how Hajime’s right pinky twitched and his eyes darted to the right when he lied. Which he did now as he stuttered his way through an explanation of not being able to find the right tie.

Tooru tuned him out and turned away, walking out of the bedroom and to the kitchen to grab his phone.

“Hey, Oikawa! Where are you going?”Hajime followed him to the kitchen and grabbed his wrist, spinning him around to face him. “I’m sorry I’m taking so long. Makki and Mattsun won’t care.”

He shook his head and ripped his arm away. “I’m not going tonight. I’ll text Makki and let him know. For now… maybe it’s best if I go to my mom’s house…”

“What? Why would you do that?” Hajime sounded worried now and he grabbed Tooru’s chin, tilting his face up. “What’s going through your mind right now?”

He swallowed and forced himself to look Hajime in the eye as he spoke. “I’m not stupid, Iwa-chan. I know you’re seeing someone else. I… I get it, it’s okay. You’re afraid of ruining our friendship if you leave me, but I’d rather you leave me than ruin me. If you keep cheating I won’t be able to fix myself, but if we just break up, I think I might be able to be normal after a while. Give me a few years and we can try to be friends again and-“

Hajime moved his hand from his chin and lightly slapped the back of Tooru’s head. “Idiot! What the hell are you talking about? Why are you being crazy? You know I’m not a cheater.” He looked hurt and Tooru’s eyes watered.

“What are you hiding then, Hajime?! I don’t understand! If you’re not seeing someone else then who do you keep sneaking off with? And why are you hiding your phone from me and ignoring my calls?!” He grabbed his hair and squeezed his eyes shut. He breathed deep and tried to calm himself so he could speak without shouting.

“Oh, Tooru…” Hajime’s voice faded and he opened his eyes to see his back as he walked to their room. Four seconds later he was coming back to Tooru with a box in his hand. “I’m sorry, honestly I should’ve excepted you to act like this. I thought maybe I was doing a good job of keeping you unaware… the past three months I’ve been meeting with Mattsun to plan a trip for us. We were going to go away for the weekend and it was going to be incredibly romantic. I wanted you to remember this moment, but I guess it doesn’t matter where the location is, because it’s us. From the minute we started dating, I knew we would get married. I knew once we got together, we would never separate. So, Tooru, after ruining your surprise, I guess I just have on question,” Hajime knelt down on one knee and opened the box, “Will you marry me?”

He gasped and stared at the silver band sitting in the cushion of the jewelry box. He hesitated and Hajime’s brows furrowed. “No, Iwa-chan.”

“Um, what?” Hajime blinked and Tooru shook his head.

“I said no. I want you to ask me again on that vacation. When are we going? Where is it at? Make sure when you ask me, I look good for pictures and-“

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Hajime’s face was blank and Tooru almost smiled, but caught himself at the last minute.

“Nope. Now that I know you’re not cheating, I like the original plan. Ask me on our romantic getaway. I’ll pretend to be surprised. I’ll even cry a little for the pictures.” He smiled wide and Hajime sighed, slowly rising to his feet.

“You’re ridiculous.”

His smile softened and he reached out his hand to cup Hajime’s cheek. He pressed his lips to the corner of his mouth. 

“Do you love me though, like I love you?”

Hajime snorted and said, “I wouldn’t be putting up with your dramatic ass if I wasn’t completely in love with you.” 

He smiled against Hajime’s skin and moved to kiss him fully on the mouth. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, it's not very long. I wrote it this past hour and I didn't want it to take up too much time. 😶


End file.
